Food for Thought - Lent and Giving Stuff Up

It's that time of year where many of us celebrate Lent (part of the church year leading up to the death and resurrection of Jesus) and many of us give something up for these 40 days (actually 47 but Sundays aren't counted).  I've never really followed through with giving something up, even if I said I was going to give up pop, candy, etc but the other day I was wondering...what if I gave up some of my old habits that I've always had?  If you know me, I have had a lot of different coping mechanisms/habits for getting through difficult times and recent events that I've gone through have made me wonder, and rethink, how I approach things.  And honestly, this is a great time to start fasting/giving up/working on some of those habits that are harmful to me.  

I'll admit that I am one who usually goes shopping or holds a lot of my emotions in when times get tough/am going through a hard time (among some other things).  I've always been like that, and I'm sure part of it is that I'm an only kid so I never had a sibling to talk to, and I'm sure that I've dealt with depression on some level and have used different things to cope (and honestly it's not that surprising either since I had some pretty big loses when I was younger and never found a way to deal with them properly).  

What really has started this whole change of thinking was a sermon by one of the pastors at my church where I could really relate to her story and I knew then that I wasn't the only one who did the same kind of things (pushing people away that cared and wanted to talk with me, keep emotions inside, etc) - the lightbulb finally came on.  I knew then that perspectives had changed inside me, I could not keep doing what I had been doing.  I knew then, and still do, that it's a struggle to open up those barriers you've always had in terms of letting people in (among others), along with letting go of the coping mechanisms that I've always had to deal with and turned to when times got rough.  

I started feeling the change then and have continued to feel some changes, but it wasn't until recently some of coping mechanisms got a bit out of hand and realized to the full extent how much harm I've put myself into with them.  I had a lot of stress from that, plus exhaustion from that and other things, realization of what I had done, plus dealing with plain old life that made me break down really bad this past weekend.  

It also made me realize that maybe this Lenten season is the best time to give up my harmful coping mechanisms and start working on the things I realized back in the fall that I need to start doing more - not holding back with emotions, find people to talk to when I am having a hard time (I am finally realizing how many people actually care and I am trusting a few more people, which is still not many but am working on it - definitely a big thing for me), and finding other ways to deal with things/cope with life events better whether it's journaling, talking with someone I trust, etc.  I have also realized that there many more enjoyable things to do that won't hurt me and I have to find out what those things are, and start working on having things in life, as well as coping mechanisms, that are positive and not negative.

Anybody else have some life events, or things in general, that have made you rethink things?  Are you participating in the season of Lent and fasting from/giving up something, or are maybe like me and working on trying to shed some unhealthy habits and working on trying to find more positive things to replace them?  I would love to hear your thoughts.

Music Monday

I know I haven't done a post for quite a while, but thought I would do a Top 3/Top 5 for music.  As I'm going through a period where I'm changing internally, perspectives are shifting, and is on the painful side (a lot of barriers being torn down), these CDs and songs have become my go to music for everything going on. Appreciation, reminding me how blessed I am, etc...it helps me on so many levels.  I hope you take a listen to some of them and they become some of your favorites, or become some of your go to songs.

Albums/CDs

The Afters - Life is Beautiful

Chris Tomlin - Burning Lights

Building 429 - Listen to the Sound

Honorable mention: James Blunt - Moon Landing

Songs

Life is Beautiful by The Afters

Bonfire Heart by James Blunt

Never Going to be Alone by Nickelback

White Flag by Chris Tomlin

Broken Hallelujah by The Afters

Honorable Mention: 

Lullaby by Nickelback

My God by Jeremy Camp

You'll Never be Alone by Capital Kings

Media Monday - Top 5 Movies

Playing off my post a couple Mondays ago (called Music Monday), I think I'm going to try and start a media themed blog on a Monday at least a couple times a month on various media things whether it's a top five list, recommendations of media areas such as books, music, etc, or whatever else I can think of for that week/post.

This week, it's going to be a top five list of my favorite movies. It was very hard for me to pick just five movies that are my favorites. Actually...I take that back, at least somewhat. The first two were very easy for me to pick, the other three spots were hard. I do have a few honorable mentions as well since I thought they deserved a nod. My top five movies are:
1. The Avengers

• By far my favorite movie...it's funny, has action, great characters, heroes coming together, etc.  It's one of those movies that I just love watching over and over again to escape, more or less, into a world of superheroes and being able to come together for a common good, and being able to overcome differences to work together.  I don't think I can explain the movie as well as others might be able to, but basically...it's a movie where a cast of heroes from Marvel, and other movies, are being summoned together to save the world from a god from another planet (Loki from Asguard) and to prevent him from using a power source called the Teseract for not so good things.  The movie is like a bringing together the heroes from the movies Thor, Iron Man 1 &2, Hulk, and Captain America, as well as bringing other Marvel characters such as Hawkeye and the Black Widow.  There are characters who show up in at least several of those movies as well as in The Avengers.

2. Miracle

• I know this is a movie about a team that accomplished something great just before I came around but it's a terrific movie.  Those that were around in 1980 will remember this, but the movie is about the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team that were very much underdogs but were able to come together in the end, by the guidance of coach Herb Brooks, to defeat the heavily favored Soviet Union hockey team before winning the gold medal over Finland (which they had to win in order to receive any medal).  Again, there's funny moments, serious moments, the theme of coming together to achieve something great, and being able to put differences aside to accomplish something among others.

3. Iron Man (1 & 2)

• I put these two together because you can't see the first without the second to see how the story continues, and you won't get the second movie without seeing the first.  I'm not sure exactly how to explain the movies, but it's just one of those that make it on my list because of how much I liked the different aspects of it.

4. Little Big League

• It's based here in Minnesota where I live, and although it's 20 years old (roughly), it still has a great story line and I think a great theme that can still be taught to everyone.  It's about a 12 year old boy who inherits ownership of the Minnesota Twins from his grandfather when the grandfather passes away.  There's struggles, ups and downs (both in life and in the world of sports), funny moments, and a great story altogether.  I might be playing into this a bit, but I think the overall theme from this movie that can still be passed on today is that perseverance and being able to learn how to get through things can be a great life reward and I think there are plenty in this movie.

5. Field of Dreams

• The movie is about a farmer in Iowa (played by Kevin Costner) who hears a voice out in the corn field to build a baseball field in the middle of nowhere, basically tearing up his crop to do something that he really can't explain or understand.  This voice tells him to do things that aren't necessarily grasped at first telling, but once the farmer (I believe his name is Ray Consella) starts to decipher what the voice says and means, he has to do something else that is totally out there.  At one point Ray thinks he is building the baseball field for the players of the Chicago White Sox team in the early 1900s who were banned from baseball for doing something wrong, but it turns out Ray is doing it for somebody completely different in the end (and a few others along the way too).  It's a movie about believing in something that is so totally crazy, and trusting in something that doesn't make sense or that you have to decipher yourself, but in the end is worth it.

Honorable Mentions: The Pursuit of Happyness, The Lion King, The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons

Those are my top five movies, along with my honorable mentions, that I would highly recommend people check out.  I know I didn't give full descriptions of movies, but I hope that you will check them out more and watch them.  My question to you is...what are some of your top movies that you really enjoy and would like others to check out?

Life Lessons (And What I'm Thankful For)

Everybody seems to have those lessons in life where at the time, you maybe don't appreciate them or are thankful for them, but as time passes and people leave your life, you truly do appreciate them.  Maybe you had some early in life, late in life, or are going through some now...we all have them at some point.  Mine have actually come in the last year, and I can truly say now that I appreciate them, and am thankful for them.  What's making me appreciate them even more now, as I write this, is just reflecting how thankful I am that I was able to get through them with the help of one of my favorite managers, who actually left the place I work.  He took time to get to know me, was able (and willing) to talk with me whenever something was wrong, really stepped up to the plate and pulled me aside when something needed to be addressed or could tell something was wrong, and truly had my back. 

With his help over the last year (and several others I know), I have been able to learn a lot about what I can and can't do, what I need to work on, and how to take a step back from things among others.  There are a lot of little, and some big ones, that I've learned since I transferred to the store I'm currently at, and some of them are:

• Learning to take a step back and reflect on how things affect me personally (or why I do certain things), or how what I do can affect how others see me or might view me.  For example, I've always been a control freak, always wanting to control situations or make sure things go my way.  It wasn't until early to mid-February when my manager pulled me aside and said some co-workers said I was bossy, along with starting an online bible study, that I realized that I really do need to work on the whole control issue.  Another example is just somebody telling me read a certain book, or just asking me the question "why?" when I am in a certain mood or do certain things because if I can look inside and realize what I'm doing is not always a good thing, I can start to work on them and address issues.
• I can't always work long days and be a workaholic because at some point, it's going to catch up to me and I'm going to have issues (although it's gotten somewhat better, I still deal with wanting/needing to work a lot of hours because I need the money).  I can't always be on the go all the time either with a whole bunch of things going on.  There comes a point that eventually I will break down because I'm trying to do too much and at some point, I will have to start weeding things out of my life that I don't necessarily want to (I've always had this issue, even in college when I tried to take classes, have a job, do sports band, AND do the campus radio and TV stations...I had to cut things out that I liked doing).  It comes down to time management with this one.
• Playing off the previous point, I have learned that there are times where I need to say enough is enough and start having, or putting, limits on what I can and can't do, or what I will or will not deal with (whether it's saying that I can't stay late at work, telling people not to act in a certain way or say certain things because I won't deal with it, etc)
• I have learned that it is okay to have certain people to talk to about things, and considering that I don't trust a lot of people in telling them what's going on, this is HUGE for me.  People do get that each of us have issues, and with that one certain manager, I was able to talk to him and let him know what was going on, ask him about how to work on certain things, and just be comfortable in talking to him.  But with him being gone now, I have realized that I do need to stand on my own two feet, try to put into practice what I've learned, find my own ways to figure things out, and if I need to talk to someone, I don't need to be afraid to do so because there are enough people around me who do care.
• I also know that people around me at church and work really do care and are genuinely supportive of me.  As another manager (team lead) told me today when I stopped in at work, "you're in good hands" (or something very similar).  It's amazing to me how people are willing to say that they are there for me if I ever need it.  I guess I've always known it deep down, but maybe I've just been too stubborn or didn't think twice about before until recently.

It's been a tough year with trying to deal with a lot of personal and work issues, but I know that I'm stronger because of it, and because of all the lessons I have learned along the way.  With the one manager who's always had my back being gone, I can look back at this last year and can truly thank God for giving me the opportunity to be a better person (I hope) for it and truly cherish what I've learned.  It's a never ending struggle for me to continue to work on these life lessons that I've been dealing with, but I'm grateful for them regardless.  I know I wouldn't have gotten through the last year without that one manager having my back, taking me under his wing, but I can see now that each step of the way was quite a blessing and I think it was God's way of providing me what I needed to get through each and every step, whether I knew it or not.  I am truly thankful for everything that has happened, and I am very glad that I was able to make some changes in my life to make these things happen...I don't think I would've learned them any other way if I hadn't transferred stores or my favorite manager willing to do what he did over the year.  I'm so glad to be surrounded by so many great people, and I am grateful for each and every one of them.

Music Monday

I've always been into music, whether it's pop, rock, country (some), Christian, etc, and it probably isn't that much of a surprise since I'm a musician myself (I play in the bell choir at church and play saxophone, flute, and clarinet). And with everything that I've had to deal with the last year, music has been my one escape to get lost in and just tune everything else out...that and talking with my absolute favorite manager (who actually left this past week).

Just reflecting on the past year and the albums/CDs, that I've bought whether through iTunes, at Target, etc, there are a few that really stand out that have helped me through things just because of how they seem to fit into my life at a particular time, or just the fact that I can relate to the songs with what I've been through at a particular point (however you want to say it...I can relate to them). My top 4 albums, along with a couple honorable mentions, all deal with struggles, hardships, etc as well as some songs about getting through things, coming together, etc on some level (at least how I interpret them) so I won't elaborate much, if at all, on all of them:
1. Building 429 - "Listen to the Sound"

• This album has been on repeat pretty much the whole last week since I bought it.  It has been an extremely tough/stressful/not the greatest sleep kind of week because my favorite manager told me last Sunday (3/17/13) that he was leaving this past Friday (3/22). He is the one who has had my back the last year, knowing everything (or as much as I told him) that was going on, and could really read me like a book knowing when something was wrong and stepped up to pull me aside to see what was wrong. The way the songs are written, it seems to call out to those that have a lot going on and are in a tough situation. This is a Christian album, but I think it speaks to a lot of people.

2. Redlight King - "Something for the Pain"
-Favorite tracks: Old Man, Bullet in my Hand, Comeback, Drivin to Kalifornia

3. Shinedown - "Amaryllis"
-Favorite tracks: all of them

4. Nickelback - "Here and Now"
-Favorite tracks: all of them

5. Adelitas Way - High School Valedictorian
-Favorite tracks: All

Honorable Mentions:
Nickelback - "Dark Horse"
Shinedown - "Sound of Madness"

Just like the albums/CDs that have touched me over the last year, there are some songs that hit home to me. Some are actually on the albums/CDs I listed, so I won't list them (plus, the list would get too long), but here are the songs that hit home/ring true for me:
1. "Remember Me" by Mark Schultz
2. "Some Nights" by Fun.
3. "Heaven Nor Hell" by Volbeat
4. "Stand Up" by All That Remains
5. "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)" by Kelly Clarkson
6. "Not Afraid" by Eminem
7. "Lost in Forever" by P.O.D
8. "A Warrior's Call" by Volbeat
9. "Ships in the Night" by Mat Kearney

I know there are other songs that I may have missed, but I think those are the majority of them. So, my question is this...what are some songs or CDs/albums that you can relate to and/or have helped you get through tough/rough patches and situations? I'm curious to see.

Book Reads and Suggestions

In my first blog entry, I did a book recommendation list of three books that I like that others might as well, and I'm kind of going off on that in this one.  I was thinking of the books that I've read this past year or so (probably since the spring of 2012), and it's actually kind of amazing how many I've read, or are currently reading.  I know there's probably a few more than what I came up with, but here's the list (you'll recognize a few from the first blog I did in this list):

• Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
• Zero Regrets by Apolo Anton Ohno
• The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed by Bronnie Ware
• Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns (recommended to me by a manager as I was going through a tough time last year)
• Not a Fan.  Becoming a Completely Committed Follower of Christ by Kyle Idleman
• Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman (currently reading as part of a bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministry and melissataylor.org)
• Be It.  Believe It. by Ali Vincent (a Biggest Loser winner, I believe season 5)
• Becoming Fearless: My Ongoing Journey of Learning to Trust God by Michelle Aguilar (Michelle is the season 6 winner of the Biggest Loser) (currently reading)

As I finish up the books I'm currently reading, I was wondering what I could read next that would seem to be a good read.  I decided to go through the books I have, and came up with a list of books that I might actually enjoy and would love to read at some point (I have a wide variety of interests...sports, music, biography, religious, etc):

• The Tao of Music by John M Ortiz
• Playing With Purpose by Mike Yorkey
• A History of God by Karen Armstrong
• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (another book recommended to me by a manager)
• A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
• Protestantism by J Leslie Dunstan
• Basilica - The Splendor and Scandal: Building St. Peter's by R. A. Scott
• Sacred Hoops by Phil Jackson
• The Games Do Count by Brian Kilmeade
• The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
• Promise Me by Nancy G Brinker
• The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
• Quiet Strength by Tony Dungy
• Open by Andre Agassi
• Shot in the Heart by Mikal Gilmore
• Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
• How (Not) to Speak of God by Peter Rollins
• Proverbs of Ashes by Rita Nakashima Brock and Rebecca Ann Parker
• Fingerprints of God by Barbara Bradley Hagerty
• The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell
• Outliers by Malcom Gladwell

That's obviously a big list of books that I would like to read, but I seem to be on the look out now-a-days looking for the next book to keep me busy, and to read something that would grab my interest and if need be, make question and realize what I can take a long, hard look at inside myself, and what I can do change (Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman is doing that right now for me actually because it deals with the control that women have and trying to let it go...I've always been one who wants to have control over things, and by reading this book, I'm really learning that it hits home with me, along with being called out by one of my managers on something related to this).

If you have read any of the above books and have input on them (did you like it, would you recommend it, etc), let me know.  I would love your input.  Also...if you've been thinking about reading any of the above books, let me know as well, and maybe we can read and discuss it together.

Bible/book study - Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman, week one

 As I probably mentioned in my last blog post, I am doing an online bible/book study through melissataylor.org.  Melissa Taylor is part of the Proverbs 31 Ministries organization, and I found the bible study through their Facebook page.  The book she has picked for the current bible study is called "Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehman.  It's geared towards women and the control that we have.  Melissa Taylor does the bible study through her blog on her website (which I gave above) and each week, there's at least one chapter to read, along with some thought provoking questions for you to answer and take a look at closer inside yourself.  I know for me, this is a time where it's great to have something like this because I'm kind of in the midst of trying to figure some things out and how to work at getting better at them (control is definitely one of those things!).  If you're at all interested in joining the conversation about the book, join in reading the book with me, answer the questions yourself, or whatever, feel free to comment or get a hold of me.  This post is actually last week's assignments and responses for week one, but I wanted to share my answers and see if I can get some of you to answer them as well.  (Just a side note - Proverbs 31 Ministries is geared for women)


TUESDAY 2/5/13 ASSIGNMENT
READ CHAPTER 1 - WIRED TO CONTROL

YOUR RESPONSE (BLOG COMMENT SECTION)
CHALLENGE #1
WHAT WAS YOUR CONTROL QUOTIENT? (END OF CHAPTER ONE)
    Mine was 42, which is considered a control freak.  Not very surprising though, and I’m not surprised it has come up when a manager called me out a while back saying that others at work said that I was bossy (definitely part of my control side coming out).  It helped me realize what I have always done, along with taking the quiz at the end of chapter one.

CHALLENGE #2
WHAT ARE YOUR STRUGGLES WITH CONTROL?  ARE YOU AN ALL OUT CONTROL FREAK, OR DO YOU, LIKE ME, STRUGGLE WITH LETTING GO AND ALLOWING GOD TO GIVE YOU PEACE IN THE MIDST OF LIFE?  HOW CAN YOU PERSONALLY PRACTICE WALKING IN FAITH?
    I think for me, the biggest struggle with control is just the fact that I want to have control of situations and I don’t know when to just let things go, or let them be.  I want to make sure things get done, I want to make sure I have enough hours at work to pay  for my bills, etc and I don’t always know when to say enough is enough or where the limits might lie.  I think that’s where the bossiness, etc come into play and not being able to let things go the way they are intended to go.  
    I don’t know if it’s possible, but I think I might be a little bit of both - an all out control freak, along with having the struggle to let things go and let God give me peace in my life, as well as determine how things go in my daily life.  I know I need to trust God in how things go, and know that he has a purpose and plan for everything.  It might not be the way that I want it to go (which is probably why I want to control everything), but I have to trust that there is a reason why things go the way that they do, and just let everything fall into place the way God wanted it to go.  I also think that they are very much intertwined with each other - I think we control things in our life, and maybe some more than others, because we struggle with letting things go and allowing God to plan how things go, as well as just going with the flow.
    Personally, I think I can practice walking in faith more by just trusting God and knowing that things happen for a reason.  I also have to trust myself to let things go and believe that God will take care of everything for me.  Surrendering that power of control is a hard thing for me because I want to make sure I get what I want but yet trust that God will take care of it.  Things might happen that I might not like, but I just have to realize that I need help and I can’t control everything that I do.  There might be a time where I have to have some control over what happens or say enough is enough, but really...God is the one that has the ultimate power over that and if there is a time that comes where I have to put my foot down about a situation or something that comes up, maybe it’s just meant to be that way.